Rambling On… 18 October 2019
Now then, what have I been up to this week? Other than trying to survive each day, not much.
As I’m sure you’re aware, I have anxiety and depression. This invisible illness can strike out of the blue (pun intended) anytime and anywhere. I have to try and laugh at myself or I’d probably go insane.
I’m sure you’ve all noticed I haven’t been on Facebook much in the last few months if at all, and I’m sorry about that. However, just forcing myself to get out of bed and face each day has been an almost insurmountable task.
Before my man and I went away on our holiday in September, I was depressed and thought I was okay while we were away. The depression became worse when we got back home.
There’s no rhyme or reason for when this invisible illness strikes and though a lot of people don’t understand and will try to be helpful by telling you that you’ll be all right, or that you just need to snap out of it, that’s not helpful at all.
In actual fact, that just makes someone dealing with a mental illness feel less worthy and can even make them more despondent since they don’t seem to measure up to everyone’s expectations.
Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain which comes and goes at will. For me, my depression and anxiety has been diagnosed as genetic long after I had my children and will probably be with me for life. Sometimes I can go months without feeling the effects of this illness and then it strikes and knocks you to your knees.
Even though all I want to do is curl up into a ball and stay in bed, I don’t give in. I make myself get up out of bed even if I don’t want to, shower and face the day. Working while being at rock bottom is so very, very difficult but I’m not going to let this illness beat me.
I’m a woman, have given birth to two kids and am stronger than this sometimes-debilitating disease.
I don’t care how bad I feel, I will still force myself to get up and participate in life, no matter what.
There are a lot of people out in the world who’ve never experienced what it’s like to be so down you have bad thoughts or as if you’re living in a deep, dark abyss surrounded by gray fog. Also a lot of people believe that depression and anxiety don’t exist.
They are so very, very wrong and lucky that they’ve never experienced a mental illness.
I live with this day in day out, year after year.
It’s only been recent that the stigma of mental illness has eased. People who had this sickness used to be hidden away in asylums, given shock treatment and were never talked about.
I think it’s great that research and the medical industry have finally recognised that there are mental illnesses out in the world and are also talking about it, making others aware.
If you have depression and anxiety, one or both, my heart goes out to you because I know how much of a struggle getting out of bed and doing the simplest of tasks can be when you’re feeling so down.
Family members may not understand even though they try, but just remember, they love you.
You might feel isolated and alone, but there are many that care for you.
You are never alone.
Don’t give up. Hold on and seek help. The people who love you most will always stand at your side and support you even if they don’t really get it.
I hope you all have a great weekend.
Stay safe, happy and healthy.
Love Becca Van XXOO
What Have I Been Writing?
I’m still writing Slick Rock 27.
Though I started out this month behind because of the three books I needed to edit, I think I’m back on track.
I’ve been working my arse off. Or should I say my fingers to the bone to catch up to get back on schedule? But all my hard work is paying off.
What Have I Been Reading?
I have to say I really enjoyed the interaction between Logan and Rebecca as they explore their attraction to each other and the dynamics of their BDSM, proclivities. I love a good and loving Dom/sub relationship and how the main characters come together in the end.
I’ve read this book before, but it was a few years ago and since I had a hankering to read something a bit edgier, I decided this book was just right. If you like reading about BDSM, Ms. Sinclair’s Shadowland series is just as good as her Mountain Master series.
I will leave it there for now.
Enjoy your week ahead, until next week.
Becca Van XXOO
PS. Email me. Let me know what you would like to learn of me…